Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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