She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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