Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize