Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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