I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize