can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
