You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
