i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
