if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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