I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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