Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
