Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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