I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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