Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize