I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
