Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
