my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize
