Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
