too bad you live with your parents still
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
