So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
