so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
