tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's official drugs can't kill me
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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