saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's blow job season.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
