are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
