8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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