That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
