I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
