I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
