I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
