it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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