we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
