I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
