...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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