Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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