I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize