well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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