I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
