At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
