oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
