I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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