What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
