I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
3pm strippers are depressing
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
