just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
