The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
