I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
