So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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