Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There's always time for handjobs
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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