i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
