i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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