So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This house was built for laser tag.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
