Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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