we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Found your dick twin last night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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