i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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