I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
