WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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