Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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