I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
