420 ftw
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize