Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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