Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
