Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
