Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
