it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
