If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize