I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
