so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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