I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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