A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
