She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
