Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
