woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
