Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
