I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
