I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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