R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
