i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
