All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
