Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
