I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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