Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
