someone threw a dead crab at me
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Ladies don't puke and tell
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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