Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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