I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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