it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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