false alarm. still invincible.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
