I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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