I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just found puke in my bra..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
