My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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