i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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