i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize