I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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