you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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