so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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