And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
