Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
