Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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