do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
