Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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