I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it glows. i had to have it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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