i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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