i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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