Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
