Got a toothbrush?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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